You call the accountant the two of you hired when you discovered how much money you had. In the handful of years since the win, he’s turned that shitpile of zeroes into an even bigger shitpile of investments, but he’s under instructions to keep a big chunk of it liquid in case you want to pull any crazy rich-brat stunts. So far you haven’t bought anything more expensive than your truck — a nice truck, granted, but it’s not encrusted with diamonds or anything — but the accountant doesn’t bat an eye when you tell him you saw a beach house in Galveston you absolutely have to have.
“Vacation property is a very good investment,” he says smoothly. “Provided it’s built to withstand the weather, of course.”
“Yeah, I was thinking more like me and Dirk wanna go fishing and Houston’s a bitch in the summer, but okay, it can be an investment too.”
He gives an annoyingly avuncular chuckle. “What I mean by that is, during the season when you’re not using it, it can be earning for you as a rental property.”
“Whatever. We can talk about that later. I just wanna make sure we get the house before someone else does.”
“I’m sure that won’t be difficult.”
You were going to leave it at that, but it occurs to you suddenly that you don’t actually have to bullshit this guy. He works for you. You can fire him. He knows this. You’re so used to having to fast-talk adults that you sort of forgot that. And also that you’re now legally an adult yourself. “One more thing. See, the seller is someone we know, and he kinda pulled a quick fade, and none of his friends know where he is. So if you can get current contact info or an address for where he is now, that’d be great.”
A brief pause. “Mr. Strider, if you’re buying this house simply to find your friend, there are cheaper ways to do that. You could hire a detective, for instance.”
“Huh? No, man, he’s not that close a friend. I swung down there to see him and that’s how I found out about the house, that’s all.”
“So you’re quite sure you actually want —”
“Dude, Bro’s got some ‘very specific criteria’ about boats, I’m not sure he can hold off buying one until we have a dock to park it at, and that’s bound to get inconvenient. Let’s get this deal rolling.”
“Very well. I’ll get right on it. I’ll keep you posted on my progress.”
TG: were doing this man
TT: Don’t do the meme.
TT: For the love of God don’t do the meme.
TG: i wasnt gonna
TT: Yes, you were.
TG: fine you caught me i cant help myself sometimes
TG: good thing ive got you around to help me control my addiction
TG: so anyway beach house
TG: do you want to get a chihuahua so we can film an alligator eating it and get youtube famous