Hello, oppressed person! I would like to clarify a thing:
When I ask you what you mean by a thing, or to give a rigorous definition of a term like “privilege”, or to clarify whether your policy against using “fag” in a derogatory manner extends to calling my spouse a fag, I am not “derailing”. I am asking you a question. The only way this will become a significant derail is if you turn it into an opportunity to lecture me on how I am dishonestly pretending ignorance of something that I obviously already know.
The fact is, I don’t know. I do not share your experience of social status, I do not have your ability to take a rough approximation of a definition and just ignore the “obvious” exceptions. I really have no idea whether you will find it offensive if I call my spouse a fag, and the definition of privilege you gave me really didn’t allow me to determine which things do and don’t count. I am not messing with you; I really want to know.
You are probably used to the assumption that basically everyone knows these things, and they are obvious, and they are immediately apparent from observation. That’s true for something around 98-99.5% of the population, in fact. But it’s not true for quite everyone. And I am really, really, sick of being called a liar and accused of malicious and disruptive intent for the horrible crime of asking whether a thing you are talking about can be articulated in a precise way.
You are taking the ability to read social cues and intuitively grasp social rules for granted. You are not taking into account that these traits are not universal. You are not considering the possibility that it’s not that I refuse to do something trivial, but that I am unable to do something impossible. In short: Please check your privilege.
p.s.: And yes, I am trying really hard to remember that not everyone thinks mostly in terms that they can rigorously define. I hang around people who do often enough that I get used to it, and I am sorry if my forgetfulness on this issue has made me seem dismissive.
ask them if they also have a policy against calling me a pillowbiter. ask them if it still applies during the actual time when i’m ass-up with a mouthful of memory foam. also, ask them if it counts as kink-shaming to laugh at them for getting off on being self-righteous dicks.
i just plain gave up talking to people who won’t answer honest questions from inquiring sperglords. they’re not helping and life’s too short.